There's still time to change professions and your life along with it, writes Ann-Maree Moodie.
'Will I disappoint my future if I stay?" Sade sings. It could be the clarion call for the mid-30s career woman who finds herself as the last single person in her circle of friends, increasingly isolated as her lifestyle diverges from the paths of coupledom and parenthood.
Happy at work, financially independent and enjoying a lifestyle unencumbered with family obligations, such women either find this to be a time of crisis or of great opportunity. Some fret about the lack of a partner and children in their future; others celebrate their freedom to choose - including a new career.
This was the case for Carla Coulson, who was the co-director of a successful promotional clothing company in Sydney, where she had worked since her early 20s.
Busy at work and with a vibrant circle of friends, for about a decade her life was full and happy.
"But as my single friends married or moved away, I began to feel very isolated on the weekends, particularly if my single friends were busy," Coulson says.
"Often I felt as though I was killing time until Monday came around and my life had a purpose again."
The catalyst to change her life was the Christmas when, aged 35, Coulson received a present from her local Thai takeaway for being their most valued customer of the year. There and then Coulson decided to change her life.
Eating Thai takeaway alone in her one-bedroom, inner-city apartment was not to be her future. Free to choose her own path, she decided to pursue other passions - Italy, Italian language and photography. Eleven years later, Coulson lives in Paris, is fluent in French and Italian and has created a new career for herself as a photographer. Her images are published in a range of international magazines as well as in a collection of her own books.
"We have found ourselves to be a generation of women totally different to that of our mothers," Coulson says. "For us, there were no rule books; no guidance about getting married and having children. Some are happier than others being single; some are obsessed with finding love and not spending the rest of their lives alone. Others totally embrace their freedom."
Other women find themselves married but living a life that hasn't turned out as they expected. Married in her mid-20s, 10 years later Amelia found herself realising her husband wasn't the man for her. Leaving her marriage knowing she might never find new love in time to have children was a risk she was prepared to take. "My divorce gave me the freedom to reinvent myself," Amelia says. "I was able to reunite with the person I really was, the person who had gotten lost in my marriage."
Part of this reinvention was to change careers. She enrolled in a postgraduate degree and started a new career teaching at university.
"I feel more settled with myself now," says Amelia, 40. "I think many women of my generation fall into the trap of being the person, professionally as well as personally, that other people define for them - their husband, or their parents."
Claire Morris was working in Britain in the IT industry, happy in her personal life but less fulfilled professionally. "Life before the shift to own my own business was mostly about having that knowledge deep down that there was something else out there [that] I could call my own," says Morris, who now lives in Australia and runs her own website consulting business, Kandoo Online. "I also felt a sense of urgency to find what I was looking for."
Morris thinks women should pursue a dream of entrepreneurship or a new career at any age but counsels planning carefully before making the move.
"If the idea of money drying up scares you, then spend the time while you do have a day job saving a cushion of money," she says. "If you have six to 12 months' liquidity, then when you do take that leap of faith your focus will be on building the business and not on how you are going to pay for rent or food."
All three women have learnt from their experiences that some friendships won't weather a single woman's pursuit of new challenges, while other friendships flourish and new ones are born.
"Not living your dream or not being authentic to your true desires will slowly deaden your spirit," Morris says. "Remember, you don't have to do this in a dramatic way. You can take baby steps to transformation and evolve so that you will find yourself living the life you always dreamed of."
Ann-Maree Moodie is the managing director of The Boardroom Consulting Group.